Intimacy Retreats / Motivation  / Priorities


I get it. You’re busy. You’re both busy. You’ve got kids, pets, jobs, doctor’s appointments, maybe a parent or two needing attention. There’s the house, the yard, the car to maintain. Exercise, sports, concerts might be scheduled (for you and/or the kids). The list is endless. I get it.

What I’m wondering, is how and when does LOVE show up on your calendar? Yes, actually ON YOUR CALENDAR!

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” ~Steven Covey

To say it’s a matter of priorities sounds trite, and, yet, it is really about priorities, isn’t it? Of course you love each other, that’s the wonderful background experience of relationships.

The secret of a great relationship is to bring love into the foreground. That’s where the magic happens.

And yes, it’s a matter of scheduling priorities.

When unexpected, unanticipated events occur, a quick re-prioritizing of the moment takes place.

Continuing to sit in the eye doctor’s waiting room for your annual exam is NOT a priority, when you’ve just received a text that your house is on fire. OK, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. There’s a time and place for everything. (Another trite phrase. Is there, really, time for EVERYTHING? I honestly can’t say that for sure!)

Sometimes it seems, as the week flies by, that there’s barely enough time for a hug with your “significant” other. 

Or is there? Maybe there really IS time, maybe it’s just been covered up by other activities grabbing your time and attention. Other priorities.

Not surprisingly, a powerful way to bring LOVE into the foreground is through sexual connection. 

If you’ve read our book or attended our workshop, you know that Richard & I have a ten-minute daily loving practice called Peaceful Passion that we have been committed to – for probably 15 years or more! We only miss it occasionally. It’s on our calendar, it’s a priority. It keeps the LOVE alive in our relationship.

Longer lovemaking sessions, times when we abandon ourselves to the moment, when we massage and pleasure one another with delight for an hour or more.. these we are not pre-committed to. We allow them to arise when time is available.

HOWEVER an evening that starts out with emerging amorous intentions often ends up with Netflix or HBO! Or one of us spending hours at the computer.  Or ______ (you fill in the blank).

I imagine that happens to many couples, on many of those supposedly “free” nights. A willingness is there, but it’s not so strong that catching up on a phone call or an email during the little available time that’s left in the evening forestalls anything more than a somewhat guilty goodnight kiss.

A device screen or TV monitor captures our gaze, rather than our partner.

It’s just the way it is. We let ourselves be distracted away from what we claim is most “significant” in our lives.

OK, I’ll get a little personal here. My priorities these last couple of weeks have been caring for my 95 year old mom, who lives alone and took a tumble. My monthly “Deepen the Connection” newsletter (and this blog) took a lot longer to get written because I decided SHE was going to be my priority. I didn’t seem to have enough oomph to manage both, along with all the other to-do’s each day.

Still, Richard and I made time for our daily loving. Ten minutes. Because it’s scheduled, it remains a priority and somehow, yes, ten minutes can be found. Ten energizing, loving, connected minutes.

Even ten minutes can be challenging at times, I get it. You may have heard the saying that “80% of success is showing up.” If you schedule love AND you both show up at the appointed time, your relationship will rock.

After all, LOVE is a priority, isn’t it?

Diana Daffner

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