In spite of all the media hype, when I ask people if they know about Tantra, very few reply with a committed YES! A sophisticated woman, sitting in a restaurant with her husband and another couple, told me, “Oh, I know all about tantrum sex – it’s my husband insisting ‘I want it, I want it, I want it!”

And even those who have heard the word seem afraid to acknowledge it – we aren’t going to talk about SEX are we? Well, Tantra is and isn’t about sex. I suppose that’s like saying that serving of escargots is and isn’t about snails.

At one level, Tantric sex is gourmet lovemaking. It’s sex slowed-down, more focused, with more opportunity for a woman’s pleasure (which means more pleasure all around, guys!). At another level, it’s not about copulation at all. It’s about qi (chi, prana), the vital force, the energy of life that runs through our bodies, spirals through our chakras. Tantra is a spiritual path that embraces the physical universe as a manifestation of the divine. Each individual first finds that divinity within, and then shares with his or her partner the sacred awareness of authentic presence.

Tantra involves learning to sense, recognize and respect the flow of sexual energy, to open to that energy, to receive it and deliberately nurture its upward movement as it is transformed into an experience of blissful oneness. It’s not just about “lasting longer” but about taking the time to enjoy a cosmic journey.

We all have ecstatic moments when separation magically dissolves, releasing us from our limited perception of who we are. Such moments take place spontaneously, for example when an exquisite environment moves us deeply. Or when we first fall in love. Tantra helps us to consciously create and sustain a dynamic shift into that longed-for state of union.

For a couple melting together in an ocean of pure love, Tantra removes the need to ask, ‘was it good for you?’