Tantra is an ancient Sanskrit word, meaning "to weave or to expand." It is a form of yoga, which is another Sanskrit word, meaning "to join." To join and expand, to come together, weaving our energies, for the purpose of opening up to the entire universe. Shaped variously by Hindu and Buddhist traditions, sometimes constricted by Confucianism, Tantra in its widest meaning describes an approach to living that links the physical universe to the cosmic whole.

Sexuality, the most physical and intimate of human interactions, is thus seen a sacred activity, continuously reenacting the original creation of the universe. The First One, separating from Itself to know Itself, embracing Itself to experience Itself.

Tantra proposes that each one of us must undergo within ourselves this total union, a joining of the female and male within us. And when love partners dance the path of Tantra together, the relationship is transformed into a sacred journey to Oneness.

Tantra describes a movement of energy, a welling up within us, of joyous excitation. Unlike forms of meditation that cause us to withdraw from the world of senses, Tantra encourages us to start with the senses, building on their ability to focus us in the present moment.

This energy need not be explicitly sexual; all sensual experience is appreciated as a tool for awakening the energy within us.  In the moment that we shift from overt physical pleasure to an internal joy, to a focus on the internal movement of energy, the subtle nature of our being is exposed and Tantra takes place. Nor does Tantra exclude experiences which are not overtly pleasurable; this same internal shift of focus can take place as we experience outward pain, even death.

Tantra occurs only in the present moment; yesterday’s experience has no relevance.

When I smell a rose, I smell it in this moment, not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now, right here. And if I embrace that moment of smelling the rose as the prelude to a spiritual experience, if I invite the rose-smelling into my total being, aware both of the scent and my total bodily response to the scent, aware of the softness of the petals and the rose energy in my heart, then in that moment I am open to the fullness of who I am. This is Tantra.

And if you and I both smell the rose together, and sharing that experience, dissolve our separateness into an infinite Oneness, then together we experience Tantra.

Tantra brings poetry to lovemaking. When my lover caresses my face and our eyes meet and we breathe together and acknowledge our rising passion, sense our hearts joining and our spirits soaring, the energy rising through the power centers of our bodies, this is Tantra.

Some spiritual paths teach us to deny, to say not this, not that; they teach that who we are is not the body, not the mind, not our actions, not our thoughts. Stripped of what we are not, these paths allow us to see the emergence of who we may be. Tantra takes the seemingly opposite approach and teaches us to say YES! to this, YES! to that. I smell the rose and I am that experience, my lover touches me and I am that experience, there is nothing that I am not, I am everything. All experience can be a doorway to who I am, provided I focus on the experience itself, with the intention of energetic awareness.

To learn and benefit deeply from Tantra, we must practice being still, undistracted. When I am smelling the rose, I smell the rose.

To make love in the Tantra way means to be fully present, to allow each moment to be the entire experience. In Tantric lovemaking, there is no goal, no race toward release or orgasm.  Instead, there is complete attention to each touch, each breath, each movement of energy.

Every moment in our lives can be shaped by Tantra, can be lived in fullness and acceptance.

However, our minds, our thoughts, are constantly darting here and there. We are consumed with busy-ness, at our jobs, at school, taking care of our children, our home, our parents. Birthday parties.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, weddings, funerals. We are bombarded by input from phone, TV, fax, e-mail and junk mail. Bills.

When we finally get away on vacation, often as not we’re busy skiing or snorkeling, eating, shopping, museuming, being transported from place to place.

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off! But first, I need a haircut, car wash, new blouse, shoe repair, show to see, and of course, those bills to pay. Our lives are structured around busy-ness, not around living in the moment.

While we are skiing, or snorkeling, or playing tennis, basketball, or golf, the world does disappear, leaving only the action of the sport. This is the attraction of athletics. It is a natural occurrence.

But how do we make time for a momentary tantric relationship with a flower, let alone an hour with our lover? How do we say Yes! to each moment, when the next moment is already here and then gone?

We need to do even more than make time to smell the roses. We need to learn how to let the scent permeate into our belly, deepening our breath and opening our heart to the expansiveness of spiritual experience.

Athletic pursuits require practice and training. They are designed to take place in a zone outside of daily living.  Tantra provides us a way of living daily in that zone.

An Intimacy Retreat is a great way of starting on the Tantric path with your lover!

In spite of all the media hype, when I ask people if they know about Tantra, very few reply with a committed YES! A sophisticated woman, sitting in a restaurant with her husband and another couple, told me, "Oh, I know all about tantrum sex - it's my husband insisting 'I want it, I want it, I want it!"

And even those who have heard the word seem afraid to acknowledge it - we aren't going to talk about SEX are we? Well, Tantra is and isn't about sex. I suppose that's like saying that serving of escargots is and isn't about snails.

At one level, Tantra sex is gourmet lovemaking. It's sex slowed-down, more focused, with more opportunity for a woman's pleasure (which means more pleasure all around, guys!). At another level, it's not about copulation at all. It's about qi (chi, prana), the vital force, the energy of life that runs through our bodies, spirals through our chakras. Tantra is a spiritual path that embraces the physical universe as a manifestation of the divine. Each individual first finds that divinity within, and then shares with his or her partner the sacred awareness of authentic presence.

Tantra involves learning to sense, recognize and respect the flow of sexual energy, to open to that energy, to receive it and deliberately nurture its upward movement as it is transformed into an experience of blissful oneness. It's not just about "lasting longer" but about taking the time to enjoy a cosmic journey.

We all have ecstatic moments when separation magically dissolves, releasing us from our limited perception of who we are. Such moments take place spontaneously, for example when an exquisite environment moves us deeply. Or when we first fall in love. Tantra helps us to consciously create and sustain a dynamic shift into that longed-for state of union.

For a couple melting together in an ocean of pure love, Tantra removes the need to ask, 'was it good for you?'

Lovemaking can be fun and adventurous, filled with active exploration of body parts and lively and intense reactions.  Excitement and curiosity, tension and release, foreplay, afterplay and endless play.

However, for many of us, lovemaking is fraught with emotional tension, rejection, frustration and fear.  How can this be?  How can an activity seemingly so natural and enjoyable, be so challenging and difficult to embrace?

While sex for the purpose of procreation is indeed natural to our species, and lovemaking in the hormonal rapture of a new romance may be instinctively passionate, we do not seem to have an inborn ability to appreciate ongoing sex with the same partner for years on end as a joyful and irresistable encounter.

Tantra, an ancient pathway to spiritual enlightenment, offers a new paradigm that is part solution to this seeming problem of waning sexual drive and part awesome journey into an unexpected reality.

When two people move together into a sacred loving space, according to Native American teacher, Sun Bear,

'Everything outside of that space fades in importance,
time takes on a different dimension,
Emotions flow more freely,
The bodies of participants become filled with the energy of life,
And this energy reaches out and blesses the creation around them.
All is made new
Everything becomes sacred.'

Although this level of intimacy may not come naturally, the pathway can be easily learned. And the experience itself is immediately recognizable as an empowering, healthy and blissful coming home. Have you had your Tantra today?

In the book, Yoga and the Quest for the True Self, psychotherapist Stephen Cope discusses our need for transformational environments, cocoons such as schools or ashrams that allow us to mature our rebirthing into wholeness. He outlines eight specific qualities that one should look for in an authentic transformational space.

A Tantra love relationship can be considered a powerful transformational space, a spiritual community of two that provides an effective and delightful way of opening to the fullness of our blissful human existence. Tantra is not just a sexual position or a breathing routine. It is a deliberate atmosphere in which profound change can take place. Each of the required qualities that Cope lists can be cultivated and expanded by a couple dedicated to a sincere tantric lovemaking practice in their relationship.

1) A transformational space creates a quality of refuge. Lovemaking within a committed relationship offers a safe haven, a place where we can drop our masks and be our own true selves. Where better to feel protected than in the arms of our Beloved? A tantric relationship is consciously nurturing and supportive, continually replenishing our supply of love. Outside of this relationship we may have work, family or health responsibilities that drain us. Within the relationship, highlighted by tantric lovemaking, we regain our resiliency, fortify ourselves with a healthy dose of love that strengthens our immune system and lightens our lives.

2) It creates safety through constancy in relationship. While newness may breed excitement, constant and reliable partnership provides us with a safe and dependable place to be ourselves. With a partner dedicated to our well-being, we blossom like a budding flower, our roots grow strong and deep, we are cherished and beloved.  Constancy in relationship provides an assurance of safe sex and ongoing emotional engagement. The very heart of Tantra calls upon us to be constant and steadfast in our development, our evolution. Our commitment is not only to each other but to the spiritual practice of relationship itself.

3) It encourages creativity and experimentation. Openness and honesty about our sexuality encourages creativity and refinement. Couples who enter into Tantra are experimenting not only with the physical possibilities of expanded and multiple orgasm, but also with the subtle energies of qi, the internal life force, the vitality of breath and spirit. Tantra views all life as an experiment, a joyous opportunity for conscious awakening.

4) It is organized around "transitional objects" that are constant and reliable. In Tantra we use candles and incense to create a sacred space for our loving. We embellish our surroundings with meaningful items on an altar, or colorful cloths on a bed. Erotic or soulful music helps set the stage, keeps our focus on the practice. We bring our bodies to the rendezvous, our body parts, our genitals, our breasts, our healing and exploring hands. We consciously create ceremony through our attention to the environment and one another. Ceremony renews us, alters our perception of space and time, invites us into a rhythmic harmony of divine dimensions.

5) It does not deify these objects. Our devotion is to the consciousness of Love, not to the vehicles or ceremonies that take us there. Although we honor and take great delight in our bodies, what we glorify in our lovemaking is not our bodies but the energy within, the pulsation of love that moves through us, connecting us to one another and to the Source of life itself.

6) It provides us with a way of finding out who we are. Oh, the masks we wear. The way we protect ourselves, hide ourselves. Relationship is where we see our strengths and weaknesses. Our yin and yang tendencies are exposed and juxtaposed, inviting us to explore our habits, our dispositions. Lovemaking allows us to experiment with being the wild woman, the receptive man. We can use fantasy, bring out parts of ourselves that normally remain hidden. And when we allow our Beloved to look deeply into our eyes, we reveal our soul and discover our spiritual self.

7) It does not have to be perfect. Each lovemaking is unique and different. Like daily meditation, we do not pass judgment each time - it is the continued spiritual practice itself that matters, not the specific results of one day's session. Sometimes there will be unbelievable explosive orgasms for both partners. Sometimes there will be cosmic stillness in which the soul is unveiled. Sometimes there may be disappointment and frustration. Sometimes there will be laughter, other times there may be tears. So many things can go awry. A new position may be found to be physically impossible.  Company may arrive early, a family emergency may intrude, a bedframe may collapse! An edible oil may have an appalling taste! Rather than requiring that each session be perfect, resulting in an expected consummation, the goal instead is to be in the here and now, to be truly present with one another. Tantra provides an alternative to the linear message of "getting off" and asks that we play in the center of an ever widening circle of conscious awareness.

8) It is open to, and supports, other paths to development. While a loving and sacred sexual connection is a prime ingredient in our relationship, there are other spiritual sources that we embrace, both individually and as a couple. Our shared experience of the true essence of love allows us to welcome our relationships with others and to enjoy activities that bring fulfillment in all areas of our lives. And on another level, our loving actually expands and sustains the accessibility of love for all beings on the planet.

Tantra takes us out of our personal emotions and brings us to a heightened and sophisticated level of mindfulness, both in and out of the bedroom. We set aside our fearful illusions of separation and move courageously ahead into sacred territory, into the holy ground of our own beingness. And as we recognize and embody our Oneness, we are transformed. Making love, we find ourselves in the space where Love Itself is created. And so it is.